Too many feelings apparently…
I’m too high risk because of my past suicide attempts and current suicidal ideation, even though it is passive suicidal ideation. (Passive suicidal thoughts are ideas like: I wish I was dead. Everyone would be better off without me. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. Active suicidal ideation is making suicide plans, writing suicide notes, obtaining a means of suicide, etc.)
Moreover, I am too chronic. One of the reasons I wanted to do the study was that I’ve tried almost every type of medication (SSRIs, NSRIs, Atypical antipsychotics, Tricyclic Antidepressants). The only class I haven’t tried is MAOIs. It turns out, you CAN be too sick to get into a psychiatric clinical trial.
Since I’ve tried (and failed) so many medications, it is less likely that any new, untested medicine will work on me and (understandably) they want their medication to work, so that they can get FDA approval. The doctor hastened to add that he wasn’t saying I was beyond help. He recommended Vagus Nerve Stimulation or Transcranial Magentic Stimulation.
His comment rang hollow; despite his assurance that he didn’t think I was hopeless, it feels like that is what he meant. I looked up TMS and it is less likely to work on the chronically depressed.