Perhaps I’m not as far gone as I think. I went to the grocery store for 5 items and spent 2.5 hours there. At first, I got a bunch of eating disordered related things, but then something changed. I went to soda isle to buy Diet Coke and randomly decided to buy some sparkling water because people are always bugging me about how bad soda is for health. That got me on a health kick, resulting in lots of meat, vegetables, carbs, and even portioned sweets like individually wrapped caramel apples. Last, I put the binge food and medication back and checked out.
Apparently last night was motivating? This is fucking difficult though. I can’t manage moderation. Even during the times I haven’t met any eating disorder diagnostic criterion, I can’t eat healthily in moderation. When I try to incorporate fruits, vegetables, and adequate protein, I end up restricting. When I try not to meal plan, I binge!