Too tired to say much. It was a crappy, awful day. I went to the bathroom to SI 4 times, continuing to re-open a cut.
I didn’t eat lunch, instead I sat in my car. I didn’t want to bother anyone. Ginny asked me not to use behaviors in front of her and that was kind of motivating. I bought a bunch of lunch food. I brought lunch today, but when it was time for lunch, I opened the refrigerator, but then decided I didn’t want it. I also didn’t want to pretend to be happy for anyone. I started crying for no reason. That has never happened at work!
My mask is slipping. Ginny asked if I was mad at her. I wasn’t mad. I’m just struggling more to either get out of my head during work or pretend to be happy when I’m not.
My psychiatrist wants to put me on Prozac again. I’ll need to titrate off my current antidepressant before starting Prozac. I’ll have 3 or 4 weeks of declining Cymbalta and then another 2 or 3 weeks for the Prozac to work once I start it. I don’t know if I can handle that. I wanted to try a new medication like an MAOI.
On the bright side, I got confirmation that my jealousy was irrational. Also, my boss asked my opinion on something!