I can’t Relate

Part of my problem making friends is that I can’t relate to people. I am single, live with my parents, and don’t have kids.

I don’t have a problem with that. I am genuinely interested in their kids and spouses when I ask about them. I don’t mind hanging out with them either. Nonetheless, it ends up being exclusionary. People with young kids around the same age take their kids to fairs together. Others, without kids, go on double dates.

no friends

I don’t fit in. I guess they don’t have anything to talk to me about. Perhaps they see me as an immature child.

However, there is at least one other childless, single person I can picture. She has friends. Somehow she gets over these hurdles. I’m not sure how she makes friends. 😦

 

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “I can’t Relate

  1. I definitely feel you! I’m consistently the only one who doesn’t want kids. Somehow people feel judged because of my choice. I lost a work “friend” because I refused to concede I may change my mind and my life would be greatly improved by kids.
    Yep, a mum who is consumed by anxiety, saves for y future therapy and sees your behavior as a direct reflection of her value sounds like a great environment for a child.
    Apparently all I needed to do was know that it all changes…
    In retrospect I can’t believe how consumed with guilt I was following that conversation. I felt like a selfish, heartless piece of garbage.
    It’s hard to see it’s their inability to empathize that makes friendship difficult when we appear to be the common denominator.
    I’ve maintained some friendships as we’re both genuinely interested in each other’s lives. I love hearing about kid antics and even hanging out with them. They in turn listen to me and don’t say things like, “you don’t know true fear until your baby does….”

    Like

    • Wow, I can’t believe you lost a friend over that. Most people just agree to disagree.

      Wait, did your mom save for future therapy was did your former work friend do that?

      Aw, I’m sorry about the guilt. I am no stranger to irrational guilt; it suck!

      Hmm, that is an interesting perspective. I don’t know if I believe that, when applying the idea to myself anyway, because there are childless, single people at work who have close friends with kids.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Gosh, I went on a wee bit of a rant there!
        We came to the decision in 2012 after the tests and my anxiety getting super bad. Since then we lost a few friends but most agreed to disagree.

        No, part of the reason I don’t want kids is because I suspect that’s the type of mother I would be.

        Stupid irrational guilt!

        I think what I was trying to say was I am friends with people with young kids because we’re genuinely interested in each other’s lives.

        Those friendships predate babies, my acquaintances with kids tend to prefer to remain acquaintances rather than us becoming friends.

        Like

  2. No, you didn’t, 4 years and I’m still an emotional wreck.
    We tried having kids when I was feeling normal-ish. Then it wasn’t working so my doctor sent us both for fertility tests. Turns out the problem was my mind. The helplessness I felt, and not kind treatment I received from the tests made me feel worst.
    I eventually offered to divorce my husband (ML)since I knew he wanted kids. Realizing it was the Voice talking he laughed and told me I was being ridiculous. 4 years later I’m realizing he was right.

    This may be too hard but have you heard of meetup? It starts online. You type in your city and interests then get a list of groups you can join. Some “meet up” weekly while others are monthly. I have met a few consistent folks through it.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s