Alive and Not Well

My day went better than expected. I cut as soon as I got to work, but I got to work on time and didn’t avoid it an extra 10 minutes (yesterday my boss said I could come in 10 minutes later because they kept me 10 minutes late) or call off. It was bad enough that is seeped through my jeans, a lot. If I realized how much it was bleeding though, I would’ve asked someone to cover my student so I could try to stop the bleeding. However, I didn’t noticed until it was too late. I thought it was just a small black spot, which could be anything. When I looked, I saw the stain was rusty red and the size of a mini Eggo waffle. For the second day in a row, I’m washing blood out of my clothes. *sigh*


I did well staying completely engaged with my student. I went to lunch despite feeling like I didn’t deserve to eat. Yay for Acting Opposite! I also invited Heather and Ashley to lunch. That took effort. I’m glad I went and that I invited them. Lunch was hilarious! It was also good bonding with those 2. Thankfully my boss didn’t mention the data thing. I was prepared to scratch through that entire meeting and swing by Home Depot as soon as 3:15 hit. However, I didn’t need to. Despite no mention of the data issue, I wanted to cut once I got off work, but I gave Ginny my blades and meds. A wave of dismay hit me when I remembered that I no longer had my implements. I considered buying more blades or taking apart of razor when I got home, but I decided I should at least TRY. I went to the trouble of giving her the tools; it is stupid to go buy more right away. So, I turned my air conditioning as cold as it would go and I turned the fan on as high as possible. Then I cranked my music up. I made it home and now I’m typing here.


4 thoughts on “Alive and Not Well

  1. So very proud of you!
    I’m guessing based on your title you’re not feeling strong but your strength is shining through this post.
    Start with the bad: you cut, badly. naughty but you know this. One bad after a physically, mentally and emotionally draining day yesterday.

    The good: you went to work. Um high five here because I bet you wanted to harm and not face anyone.
    While there you focused on students, engaged with colleagues, not only are but invited people to join you to eat. Another high five for that one!
    Then to top it all off you gave Ginny your tools AND didn’t get more. Yep, another high five.
    Score: one sad head shake vs 3 high fives and cheering.
    If you were a sports team, you won the game today!!


  2. Pingback: Success Equals Stress! | Masochist Musings

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