Now my student is purging

Today wasn’t too bad.

I started off my day working with a boy I adore. He has Down Syndrome, but he is way smarter than anyone gives him credit for (even all his staff). He is cute, good natured, and hilarious.

During lunch I alternated between guessing and reading riddles with a student, while the other student in the room colored. Usually the kid I was playing with is very hyper and noisy, but he followed directions and used a conversational voice the entire time. The other student often leaves the room without saying anything and he stayed in the room the whole time too.

I wanted to restrict since I didn’t self-injure in the morning, but the student I was paired with in the afternoon had a difficult morning. He purged twice, which hasn’t happened before. That successfully got him out of the Quiet Room momentarily. His afternoon was pretty good though. It turns out I didn’t need the food.

I’m still upset about getting in trouble. I haven’t said a word to anyone about their kids, including when a student left the room and ran outside during break and his staff didn’t notice for 1 minute because they were talking to our boss. I don’t want to seem like I’m worrying about whether other people are doing their jobs. Besides, they aren’t counting leaving without permission as eloping anymore, unless the student refuses to return when prompted by staff. Good thing the student wanted to go to the playground and not try to run home. Data is still wrong, but I’m not saying anything to anyone about that either.

I wanted to cut on the way home thinking about something that happened today. I’m frustrated because a student regressed since moving rooms and I think it is because the implementation of his plan has softened. There is a substantial increase in screaming, threatening peers and getting up and taking a few steps, as if to charge another student, but then stopping right in front of the staff blocking his way to another student. I’m not frustrated at him; I’m frustrated at the looser standards, which I believe caused the increase in behavior. I was annoyed I gave my blades away. I could’ve gotten more, but not having easy access was enough to ride out the urge.

I want to purge right now because I just ate 2 mug cakes and I feel full. I’m going to sleep instead.


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