I woke up in an okay mood. In other words, I didn’t feel like crying as soon as I woke up.
Ginny said some curious things last night. She said she appreciates me. She knows I was only trying to help when I filled out the data and I care immensely. I already told you, but she also said she still wanted to hear my ideas because my ideas are good. She said she still wants to know about the discrepancies I notice behavior plan implementation because then she can conspicuously watch and “notice”. Moreover, my boss didn’t want to talk to me because I was the hardest working and most dependable behavior assistant.
The best part was she said, once I start my course, she wants me to help fix the interobserver agreement problems! Interobserver agreement is the degree to which two or more observers report the same data on the same event. Plus, she is aware that I am the only one correctly implementing behavior plans. I asked her how she knew and she said she listens without looking. People tend to do the right thing when they know she is watching, which is frustrating because that means they know what they’re supposed to be doing. Another way she knows is because when she asks about behavior plans, I always have the right answer, even more often than my boss!
This is difficult to believe since the new assistant behavior analyst arrived, but she said she asks my opinions on behavioral interventions vastly more often than she asks anyone else. It got through to me. 🙂 She thinks I have value at work and even though she isn’t directly above me in the hierarchy, she is the head behaviorist and I care most about the behavioral piece of my job. Therefore, her opinion matters the most. Of course, my boss is my boss and her opinion matters too, but Ginny knows the most about behavior interventions.
I signed up for the first course I need to become a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (that is Ginny’s job). I’m afraid of going back to school. I think taking that official step increased my depression. I originally started blogging as a coping mechanism in law school. This blog is new (as of July) because I didn’t remember the password to my old blog. Eventually I figured it out, but I already had followers here. So, I just imported the old content from that blog to this one. Anyway, I relapsed into suicidal depression, even worse than now, in law school. I took a medical leave of absence and never went back. It left a back taste in my mouth. I’m afraid the pressure of school will be too much. Ginny bets I could pass the boards now. Lol, too bad they require the courses and official observation hours, even though I bet I meet the hours already. Unfortunately, they only start counting hours after you begin the first course.
I showed another friend my blog. She said I need inpatient treatment and sent me a link to a treatment program.
My mom will be out tonight. That usually leads to behaviors because I can “get away” with it. I can binge/ purge without worrying she’ll get home while I’m purging. Been there. Done that. I can cut without worrying she’ll walk in before I clean up.