Bad Choices

I skipped work. I’ve never done that before. 😥

I’m too lazy to get dressed or leave the house. Therefore, I don’t have much to binge on. That said I am currently devouring a pint of ice cream.

What I really want to do is overdose on laxatives. I don’t want to use them to purge or die; I want punish myself. It seems fitting since I said I was sick all morning. Stimulant laxatives hurt. I have a box sitting in front of me. So far, I haven’t taken any.

It is funny certain numbers jump in my head like 5 times the dose because 5 is a multiple of 5 or 6 times the dose because it is one more than 5 or 10 or 11 times the dose or the same reasons.

 

Edited to Add: It is like a sign. The first blister pack in the box has 12 pills in it because some were missing. That is exactly 6 times the dose.

Edited again: It is now 1:48 pm (about 2 hours later). I still haven’t taken them, even though they’re still sitting next to me. It is kind of nice to have this record of all the urges I haven’t acted on. Usually, I only remember the failures.

you are not a failure until you stop trying.jpg

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