For the first time I remember, I’m dreading the prospect of Monday morning. There were other Mondays when I wasn’t excited to go to work because of a specific anticipated stressor, but this generalized loathing is new.
I’ve been extraordinarily lucky to love all my jobs. I loved helping other college students learn about behaviorism and apply that knowledge to train rats. I even loved my job as a cashier at Walmart. I’m in introvert, but when my job required it, I could put on an extroverted mask. I liked chatting with strangers and sharing funny stories after work. I’ve also loved my current job for over 2 years, but for the past few weeks or maybe 2 months, I’ve felt less happy.
I’m sad that I’ve become one of those people who dread the work week. In the past, I got bored and missed work if I was gone more than a week. The previous 2 weeks, I’ve felt better during the weekend. Usually work is a welcome escape.
When I started my current job, I never felt particularly needed or wanted, but that didn’t phase me. I started out in the mid functioning group and now I work with the high functioning kids. Since the switch, I feel like part of the team. I felt as though I did important work and I made a difference. I don’t feel that way anymore. I realized I probably wouldn’t feel necessary in a new job, but then I realized I didn’t feel that way here and I was okay with my place. I think if I’d never felt good at my job or knowledgeable or appreciated, I wouldn’t feel hurt now. There would be no difference. Consequently, I might be happier at a new job where no one thinks highly of me because there is nowhere to fail.
Anyway, for now I’m going to take a nap and then approve my time card. One day I’ll get around to fleshing out the positive thoughts bouncing around in my brain. :p
I am compiling a list of self-injury alternatives and creating a list of general coping skills that worked for me in the past. They’re both rather long now, but I’m pretty sure there is repetition in the self-injury alternative list because I copy/pasted from a bunch of pre-made lists. Therefore, I need to edit that word document.