Monday Morning Blues

For the first time I remember, I’m dreading the prospect of Monday morning. There were other Mondays when I wasn’t excited to go to work because of a specific anticipated stressor, but this generalized loathing is new.

I’ve been extraordinarily lucky to love all my jobs. I loved helping other college students learn about behaviorism and apply that knowledge to train rats. I even loved my job as a cashier at Walmart. I’m in introvert, but when my job required it, I could put on an extroverted mask. I liked chatting with strangers and sharing funny stories after work. I’ve also loved my current job for over 2 years, but for the past few weeks or maybe 2 months, I’ve felt less happy.

I’m sad that I’ve become one of those people who dread the work week. In the past, I got bored and missed work if I was gone more than a week. The previous 2 weeks, I’ve felt better during the weekend. Usually work is a welcome escape.

When I started my current job, I never felt particularly needed or wanted, but that didn’t phase me. I started out in the mid functioning group and now I work with the high functioning kids. Since the switch, I feel like part of the team. I felt as though I did important work and I made a difference. I don’t feel that way anymore. I realized I probably wouldn’t feel necessary in a new job, but then I realized I didn’t feel that way here and I was okay with my place. I think if I’d never felt good at my job or knowledgeable or appreciated, I wouldn’t feel hurt now. There would be no difference. Consequently, I might be happier at a new job where no one thinks highly of me because there is nowhere to fail.

Anyway, for now I’m going to take a nap and then approve my time card. One day I’ll get around to fleshing out the positive thoughts bouncing around in my brain. :p

I am compiling a list of self-injury alternatives and creating a list of general coping skills that worked for me in the past. They’re both rather long now, but I’m pretty sure there is repetition in the self-injury alternative list because I copy/pasted from a bunch of pre-made lists. Therefore, I need to edit that word document.

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4 thoughts on “Monday Morning Blues

  1. I’m sorry to hear about the Monday blues. I’ve had that experience and it is awful.

    I’m so excited about your lists! Would you mind sharing your ideas when you’re done? I’m heading into my stressful work season and I’m exploring ways to gave my brain a break. Some of my previous escapes aren’t working: I don’t want to knit, I’m having difficulty finding the right books and it’s been too hot to go for treks.

    Like

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