I was an hour away from 48 hours without food! The O.T. therapist doesn’t pull punches or mince words. I debated whether to buy food or not. I decided I’d buy food and simply not eat it. I’m out of practice with hiding food and we were outside in the wind. My napkin wouldn’t stay put! So, I held my fork, but didn’t eat. Then the O.T. therapist said, “I know she is riveting (my boss was talking), but you can eat. See? I ate everything.” I smiled politely, but ignored her. A few minutes later she pushed my fork (which was still in my hand) into my salad. Then I picked at the salad. I am a failure! I WAS SO CLOSE. On the other hand, I let myself get dehydrated enough that I was getting dizzy and shaky. Consequently, eating was (logically) a good choice.
Despite the food, lunch was fun! Everyone was in a good mood. We joked and laughed a lot. It was much nicer to be in the small group of 4 again. We successfully ditched the others by saying we didn’t want pizza.
The meeting was okay. The anticipation of the meeting helped me not SI during work. However, they forgot to cover certain issues and I wish my boss was more forceful. At least stating the rules plainly was nice. Now no one can say they didn’t know.
Heather repeatedly talked to various co-workers about their plans for tonight, at full volume, in front of me. That hurt a little bit.
I rehearsed suicide again last night. I re-tied and retested the noose. My throat hurt since I woke up this morning. I struggled to sleep. I’m considering letting my dogs sleep in my bed tonight.