Inappropriate Adults and Inadequacy

a special kind of person.jpg

I dropped my grandma’s car off to be painted. Luckily, a few hours later, I got a call that my car was ready for pick up. I told my mom about the car. She wasn’t mad. In fact, she high-fived me when I said I didn’t hurt myself over it.

I’m a bit of a bad mood. Gage had a tough day, but that isn’t why I’m in a bad mood. I’m upset staff laughed when he tried to touch another student inappropriately. The other student backed away. Therefore, Gage did not make contact. So, theoretically, Gage might have been reaching for the edge of the other boy’s jacket, which ended at his crotch. However, I know he recently touched staff inappropriately. I don’t believe there is any malice in his actions, nor do I think he is being abused. I think staff inadvertently reinforced the behavior by laughing. For example, about a year ago, he touched Mark’s butt and everyone laughed. When my co-worker brought it up in our meeting last week, people laughed. I wanted to cut because the co-worker working with the other boy LAUGHED. NOT OKAY. Of course, Gage started laughing when my co-worker laughed. I guess some people aren’t made for this job.

Also, we got to leave early today because parent teacher conferences started this afternoon. However, we had to work until 1 pm (we usually have lunch at 12) and then leave early. The administration, therapists, classroom supervisors, and behaviorists left at 12 to eat and returned when we left. That meant I didn’t get to eat with Ginny, et al. As a result, I haven’t eaten today. There was no point anymore. I planned to eat today, until she told me the plan. Wednesday usually gives me a reason to eat because there is added social pressure when we’re at a restaurant. Without that social pressure, Wednesday is a good day to fast because I only have to worry about restraining kids in the morning. In addition, the separation is a stark reminder that I am not good enough and they all know it. Ashley was among the group eating at noon. That reminds me of my inferiority because she got the promotion to classroom supervisor and I did not. She will be there all evening and all day tomorrow and Friday with Ginny, my boss, and the therapists. Time off work is nice, but it just reminds me how I am never good enough. If I was good enough, I’d be involved in parent teacher conferences tonight.

During that hour where we cleaned the classrooms, while the others ate, Gage was outside by himself for over a half hour. I told Barb that he was outside without an adult when she got back to school and she went over to yell at the afterschool program people. Apparently, they didn’t even know he was missing!! Once we finished cleaning, we played with him, but he could be riding his bike down the highway and they’d have no clue!



2 thoughts on “Inappropriate Adults and Inadequacy

  1. Pingback: High Anxiety Freak Outs | Masochist Musings

  2. Pingback: Inappropriate Touching and Idiot Adults | Masochist Musings

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