I tried running to cope when I wanted to cut earlier. I don’t even remember the trigger anymore. It sort of worked. At first it helped, but once I started breathing normally again, my SIB urges returned. So, I tried running again. This time I ran until I literally could not keep pace anymore. The second time, my SIB urges did not return. However, predictably, I was tired!
Along with eradicating unpleasant emotions and pushing distressing thoughts away, cutting helps me focus. It makes me more alert and concentration is easier. Running did the opposite. I was too tired to focus on the video lecture!
I liked the thought of running because it serves many purposes (self-punishment, emotional regulation, pushing thoughts away, measurable progress). If you use running or exercise to cope, do you always feel tired after or do you get used to it? If you always feel tired, how do you wake yourself up? Or do you have alternate coping skills that serve all these purposes?
So, the search for a replacement behavior continues.
The next class for my course was this evening. It went well, but my stupid internet kicked me offline THREE times! That was hugely triggering and I couldn’t just leave and cut or run because you have to answer questions. Next time I’m going to Starbucks.