Unremarkable Week, Still Mentally Ill

I WANT TO CUT RIGHT NOW.

1.) I took off work tomorrow (approved a month ago) and my boss wants to come in because we’re short staffed tomorrow since 3 other people are out too. Therefore, I feel guilty. Today I was with Cory by myself. He has been great recently, but he is staffed 2:1 because his behaviors are dangerous and uncontrollable without restraint. The Quiet Room often is not adequate to keep him from hurting himself. I’m mad because my work often staffs kids whose school districts’ pay for 2:1 staffing as 1:1 when we’re short staffed. We used to have subs, but my work is too fucking cheap and let them all go. I don’t know where all their money goes! It costs $80 k to send a kid to the school; it costs even more if the student needs 2:1. I make less than $14/hour. The majority of the employees are people like me. There are only 2 full time therapists. My boss, the other people like her, and the BCaBA don’t make $80 k. That leaves a handful of office staff, 2 administrators, the head of the company, an HR person, the BCBAs, and rent. We have 30+ students.

2.) Ginny disagreed with me on something (minor, not even specifically concerning our jobs). She disagreed that short staffing a 2:1 is unethical. She said keeping a student a 2:1 when their behavior no longer warrants it is unethical. I agree. However, I also think when the school district pays over 80 fucking thousand dollars a year for the student’s education and treatment, we should fucking pay a few subs $10/hour.

3.) WHY DID I WANT MY PARENTS’ ATTENTION AGAIN?!?? They are SO annoying about food and weight gain. I hate myself. They’re asking me over and over AND OVER what I ate and when. They mentioned weight gain. OMFG.

4.) I feel guilty for my behaviors.

5.) I agreed to go to a murder mystery party at Heather’s house, but I really, REALLY don’t want to.

6.) I have a doctor’s appointment for my eyes tomorrow, but I don’t know where it is.

7.) I’m procrastinating on studying.

On one hand, I’m telling myself I’ll study tonight if I don’t go to Heather’s party. On the other hand, I told myself I’d study before my appointment today and I haven’t started studying yet. In my position, would you go to the murder mystery party?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s