They’re Fighting Again

I fucking hate my dad. He is making my mom cry. 😦

*bitter laughter* He is currently denying anger issues.

He goes from annoyed to rage, instead of annoyed, to mad, to fury, to rage.

“What do I do that is so bad when I rage? I curse, but I’ve never hit you. Though I slammed doors in your face and I hit MM…” Gee, thanks Dad.

Now I want to cut (not because my dad mentioned hitting me as a child, but because I’m mad at him for hurting my mom’s feelings so often and ruining her life in a lot of ways).

*sigh* I’m still confused about the definition of healthy fighting. (link to a 9 year old message board post – I haven’t learned anything)


2 thoughts on “They’re Fighting Again

  1. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. He is emotionally abusive. ML taught me about healthy fighting because I would quickly get emotionally abusive in our arguments. Often times it would happen around crazy work times hwen I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed. THen I’d lash out at him because he “never” cleans up enough or something ridiculously untrue though it felt true at that moment. I’ll go on about how everything falls to me.

    The way we changed it is that I am able to recognize that I’m feeling stressed so I say, “It feels like it’s all on me right now because I’ve got so much going on and though it’s unfair I get mad when you don’t read my mind.”

    Then we can get into what I need. If I feel the need to raise my voice I’ll tell him something like, “I’m so mad right now I need to shout.”
    It’s those bits of warnings that make it. We also do adult versions of time outs. It’s different than the silent treatment or cold shoulder in that one of us will say, “I’m really angry right now and I can’t speak to you. I’m going —- and I’ll come find you when I can talk.”

    Does any of that help?

    Liked by 1 person

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