I’m mad and I want to quit my job because no one told me one of my students had a melt down Thursday.

I’m trying to figure out why this upsets me because I know it is (again) irrational.

If people thought my opinions were important or my thoughts mattered, they would’ve told me what happened on Thursday so that I could help brainstorm. Therefore, since no one told me, no one thinks my thoughts are helpful. Therefore, I am useless.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t tell a sick co-worker about the work day unless they asked. On the other OTHER hand, Ginny knew I wasn’t sick in the typical sense and knew I’d want to know about the work day. However, I did not ask because she said she needed to separate her home and work life more clearly.

She would’ve known that is why I didn’t ask. However, she was taking care of her own needs by not talking about work. That is understandable and reasonable. I could’ve asked someone else like my boss. I considered it, but I didn’t want to bother her.

Faulty assumption: If people don’t ask my opinion, they don’t want it/they think it has no value.

I can see how people probably just didn’t want to bother me, thinking I was sick, or were busy taking care of their own needs, etc… but as a general rule, I believe my assumption.

I can’t control whether people care about what I think or believe I am smart or a worthwhile member of the team. I can give my opinions politely, in the right time and place, and fuck social stories, I hate everyone because they don’t like me.

Maybe their opinions shouldn’t matter, but they matter because there is no objective measure of how much, if at fucking all, I am helping my kids. If I’m not helping them, why am I here? I shouldn’t be. There is data, but our data says nothing. WE ARE NOT HELPING.

But my issue isn’t really whether we are helping in the moment or not, there are times when I know our plans are not working. I am ok with that. We go back to the drawing board and find something that DOES work. So, I’m upset because people don’t care about what I think because that means I contribute nothing?

But it shouldn’t matter whether or not they believe I contribute… It matters because I need a job…. but would I be happy if they thought I contributed, but in reality, I did not? NO. So… I need to turn off my brain for a bit.


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