One-sided Competition to the Death

Clearly I'm not handling this well_Xander_Buffy

I’m dealing with the minor, insignificant rejection worse than I anticipated. I expected to feel hurt when I saw people’s pictures. Earlier this week, I asked my high school friend if she wanted to see Thor this weekend to distract myself. She did and that was validating. Plus, the movie was great!

However, I’m restricting and purged what I ate with her. I look like I got punched in the face and received 2 black eyes. I keep thinking, “I can’t make them like me or care, but I CAN be better than they are. I can be thinner.”

 
I’m dealing lots of cognitive dissonance. I know this is a small thing to worry about. I know it won’t matter in 6 months or even 2 months. Honestly, I shouldn’t care what anyone who I don’t consider a friend or above me in the workplace hierarchy thinks of me. Despite that knowledge, I feel hurt.

How do you deal with feeling left out, invisible, or disliked?

 

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Feeling Invisible

Felicia Day_i think that is why I like video games

A coworker got married tonight and most people from  work were invited. The invitation list included people she never talks to and who she has only known a few months. In contrast, we went on a weekend winery trip together, have known each other for years, and used to work together closely. One day, at lunch, she mentioned struggling to come up with 200 people to invite and even including some coworkers she didn’t like to meet her guest list goal. I was sitting across the table from her when she said this.

Ginny was invited and said it was nice.  I asked how it s out of jealous curiosity.

I’m trying to vent my feelings here so I don’t complain to Ginny. That would be  downer. It would be unfair to bring her mood down because I am like a ghost.

I know I overreact to social stuff a lot because I’m scared everyone sees me the way I see myself… I’m try, but failing, to shut up the refrain in my head… “No one likes you. You’re unlovable, no one would notice if you starved to death. If you were good enough, people would care. If you were thin enough, people would notice. ”

How would YOU feel in this situation? Am I being an idiot?!