Since Sunday I’ve been following the case obsessively. It is upsetting, but I can’t look away and I’m not sure why.
I am angry. I worry about their futures when the media goes away and charity dries up. I worry about them being taken advantage of like Genie.
I feel sick to my stomach; my chest feels tight, yet I still read updates.
Someone on a message board I’m reading said, “I can imagine that being stuck with needles, hooked up to IVs and having measured nutrition (although all are direly necessary for now) could feel like more of being chained up and deprived and tortured. I hope that they are able to understand what is being done to help them?” That hit close to home and is a horrific thought.
I’m tearing up thinking about the pain they are likely still in. During refeeding, I literally thought I was going to die once b/c I hurt so much. They have no reason to trust anyone. If they are low cognitively (which apparently some are), they may not understand and think they traded one hell for another. Even if they’re not low cognitively, they might not understand because of no medical knowledge.
I think, part of me, hopes to learn enough that I could recognize signs in people I meet. Then again, I’m paranoid enough about our kiddos and ready to call CPS based on some of the things I hear when they’re in crisis.
I’m not in favor of the death penalty for Louise or David Turpin because that is the easy way out. I wish there was a way to make them feel the same pain, hopelessness, helplessness, sadness, and fear they inflicted on their children. That would be a tiny sliver of justice, even though it wouldn’t make the kids whole again.
The TV show Black Mirror often leaves me unsettled, so I haven’t watched all the episodes, but one (White Bear) showed a similar punishment for a child abuser. At the time, I had more misgivings about the punishment, but for these 2, I think it would be appropriate. My thoughts usually center on personal atonement for any real or imagined wrongdoing I committed, but David and Louise Turpin bring out the anger I usually reserve for myself.
When my eating disorder thoughts are bad, I tell myself no one deserves to starve. The Geneva Convention outlawed it as a form of torture. Well, we found some people who deserve to starve. I can’t use that coping statement anymore.
If you’ve heard about the case, what are your thoughts? If you are upset by it, how are you handling that?