Not matter what happens I manage to find a way I am not good enough or a scenario where I’ll mess up.
I get a student from another program: It is because my boss thinks I am too inept to handle an entirely new student.
I don’t get the student from another program: My boss thinks I am too weak and emotionally vulnerable to handle their trauma history.
Ginny leaves and invites me to the Going Away party: My boss, my boss’s boss, my boss’s boss’s boss, and maybe even her boss will all attend. It is over the lunch hour. There will be expectations of eating and intimidating people. I’m too pathetic to act normal. They will realize I’m a freak.
Ginny leaves and does not invite me: No one likes me. Ginny is glad she never has to see me again.
I am working on assuming (if I’m mind reading) or acknowledging the positive.
For example, Ashley thinks I’d be good for the student with a trauma history. When I advocate for myself, she still thinks I’d be good for the student with the trauma history, but believes more strongly that I shouldn’t have to deal with the uncomfortable parallels. This means she cares about me as a human being, not that she thinks I am weak.
Today: No one else pays attention to your food intake. People will be focusing on Ginny, I don’t envy her that! If someone makes an asinine comment, you can redirect them by asking how they’ll deal without her around.
I ended up getting the student from a public school. His first day is later this week. I’m excited!
Random note: Vomiting when sick is vastly different from purging. Ugh. However, I am NOT missing my new student’s first day or Ginny’s last day, which are both this week.