No more emotional abuse please

Damn it. My dad is being an ass again.

My poor mom! She has stress on all sides! She agonizes over my brother’s polyamory. My grandma’s health is deteriorating, my grandpa’s memory is worsening, me, she has a high powered job at a large university, our kitchen has been under renovation for almost a year, she is about to sue the contractor because he is cheating us and lying, and now my dad is emotionally abusive again.

I was 8 years old the first time my dad left us. He cheated on my mom then as well. As far as I know, he neither cheated, nor left again until I was 15. I’m not sure because I don’t remember him leaving as an 8 year old. Therefore, he might have left a little later without me remembering it.

When I was a freshman in high school, all hell broke loose. For the next 3 years he stole money, left for days or weeks without a word, and conducted himself atrociously. Sometimes he’d storm out after a fight, other times he decided he wanted his current girlfriend more than us and disappear out of blue. When he disappeared he was unreachable by email or phone. He ignored everyone, my mom and I, my brother, his friends, and mother. It made my mom a wreck because for all she knew when he disappeared while things were going well, he’d had a car accident and his car went off the road into a ravine. I don’t think he ever hit her, but there were times he hit me (RARE times where I specifically incited it), so it is possible he hit her. He did throw objects at her and say rather awful things like calling her an awful human being, saying it was her fault he cheated, she wasn’t supportive, she was a bad wife, and she always tore him down. Those sound like typical things people say in fights, but there were worse statements. I just can’t think of them right now. He’d also be emotionally manipulative by hanging things over her head like, “If you don’t stop being nosy, I’ll leave!”

Interesting fact: His disappearances stopped when I went to inpatient treatment for my eating disorder.

He did despicable things like “answering” her phone call while he was intimate with a girlfriend. I told my mom I’d support her decision to divorce him, even if it was years later and their relationship appeared stable at the time because I knew what he did to her.

The last time he was home he flipped out on her because he couldn’t reach her at work for 3 hours. As usual, he said some inappropriate things. I was sitting a few feet away and ignored them until  heard something slam. When I looked over, he calmed down a little bit and they left the room to continue arguing. He was supposed to be home awhile ago, but said he couldn’t come home because a deal was about to go through. Then he was supposed to be home yesterday. He said he was in the hospital because of breathing trouble, but he was leaving and going to an American run clinic to get a 2nd opinion. She hadn’t heard anything since that call yesterday afternoon. At that point, he said he’d take a late flight and arrive today. She called him and the phone accidently answered and he asked someone if they wanted more rice, in the tone of voice you’d ask a child. She called on his other phone and he said he was at a bar with clients. He couldn’t come home because of the asthma attack. Maybe 2 years ago, his phone did the same thing and she overheard him telling a child to go brush their teeth. He claimed he was at an employee’s house and they’d kind of adopted him into their family. Granted, he spends 80 – 90% of his time out of town on business.

My parents have a get together with friends tonight. So, yet again, she has to call their friends and let them know to expect one less guest.

She isn’t an idiot and she isn’t financially dependent. In fact, he is the financially dependent one. For 20 years he has created one failed business after another. When he first started the business, he promised if he couldn’t turn a profit in 2 years, he’d go back to his old, high paying, steady job. That did not happen. When she reminded him of his promise, he accused her of not believing in him an being unsupportive. He has yet to make a profit. She supports him. I don’t understand why she puts up with it. She said many times if it wasn’t for my brother and I, she’d have left him long ago. However, we’re not kids anymore. When things were bad in high school, she’d swear this was the last time, she wasn’t going to accept his treatment anymore, and she sign divorce papers. However, before he got served, he’d come back, apologizing, and promising it wouldn’t happen again. And each time, she’d take him back.

boromir facepalm

Well, typing all this helped. I felt like self-injuring when I started typing. Now I just feel sad, but I don’t have urges.