One of my best friends is going to inpatient this week for her eating disorder. I’m sad for her. I also feel somewhat guilty because to be honest, I should’ve gone inpatient last week for my suicidal ideation. I’m glad the acute crisis seems to be over, but I feel guilty because I refused to go out of fear and she is afraid right now.
Hmm, I’m not entirely sure why that causes guilt. Maybe I feel guilty because I’m trying to talk her out of fear when I didn’t go to treatment because of fear. Therefore, I feel guilty because I am a hypocrite. In that case, I should feel guilty all day, every day because I tell kids to use coping skills instead of inappropriate behaviors and I don’t do that.
I wonder if that is part of my excessive irrational guilt. Perhaps it is so easy for me to feel guilty in any area because I have guilt constantly bubbling under the surface from work.
I know it is the right thing for her and I’m trying to help her feel better about it.