In the first part, I talked about questioning whether my masochist and submissive tendencies are innate or learned. Before jumping into some of the other concerns I have regarding my sexuality, I want to add some additional thoughts about that.
I questioned the difference in judgement toward myself versus my loved one. I’ve never questions whether their proclivities are innate or learned… except my brother. I asked him about it because I find it strange that I’m a masochist and he is a sadist. However, that inquiry wasn’t about judging him; it was about trying to find answers for myself. Regardless, for most people like my gay uncles or queer sister-in-law, I don’t give it a second thought. I would feel sad for them if their interests and identifications stemmed from past abuse, but it wouldn’t make them less valid. It wouldn’t need curing. So, why do I view myself differently? Perhaps I view sadomasochism differently than LBGTQ?
Yet, I don’t think the previous Master I mention in my earlier post needs intervention. I don’t think he is a bad person, neither do I think my brother is evil. So, why does my urge to be hurt make me sick or bad, yet their urge to hurt others, does not? I’m not sure.
****trigger warning**** Abuse mentioned
I think some proclivities can be wrong like pedophilia, bestiality, or sadism that involves non-consenting parties. Essentially, I see any urge that necessitates people or animals who cannot or do not consent to the sexual acts are wrong. That said, I do not think thoughts make someone evil. For example, we all (I think…?) have moments of anger where we wish someone would die. However, we don’t really wish they would die and we don’t act on that momentary thought. If someone only gets sexual gratification from pedophilia, are they evil? I believe, if they do not act on their thoughts, they are not bad people because they put their own urges below the safety and well-being of others. That is loving. I feel gross using the word “loving” to describe someone who has pedophilic urges, but perhaps it is an appropriate word. After all, I view my previous Master’s respect for my boundaries and denial of his own (later admitted) urges to break them, as loving.
My urges don’t involve non-consenting individuals, except, sometimes, myself… Of course, that is a contradiction because blanket consent prior to an event is technically consent. Therefore, unless I used a safeword, consent still exists. I do have fantasies where I revoke consent and my partner doesn’t stop, but I am not harming anyone else, only myself. That shouldn’t make me bad. It might make me sick, self-destructive, or broken, but not bad or evil.
On the other hand, I’m jumping through numerous logical hoops to justify myself. Does that indicate I’m incorrect in these conclusions?
Do you think someone who had pedophilic urges, but does not act on them is a bad person?
I assume everyone think pedophiles, any adult engaging in sex acts with children or contributing to abuse by knowingly viewing child porn, are bad people. If you disagree with my assumption and believe those actions do not make someone a bad person, why?
Do you think consensual sadism makes someone a bad person? If so, why?