Dating and Eating Disorders

I’m trying my hand at online dating again. I haven’t met anyone IRL yet, but I’m nervous because any relationship threatens my eating disorder. I’m reminding myself my eating disorder will ensure I am lonely. I can try to build a life and if it doesn’t work out I can always go back to starving myself better than everyone around me in order to boost my self-esteem.

Advertisements

Never Too Late

today-is-never-too-late-to-be-brand-new

I look at this two ways:

  1. Each day is a new day and you can start over with a clean slate.
  2. No matter what already happened today, you can still start over from this moment forward. After all, a day is 24 hours. You can restart your 24 hour stop watch at any point. I like this thought process because often when I mess up, I give up. For example, if I eat something I wasn’t planning to eat, I say, “screw it!” and binge.

Urge to Purge

Ever since law school ended for the semester, I’ve endured awful urges to purge! I think it is two-fold. On one hand, during the semester, I could easily tell my eating disorder to go away by rationalizing that purging would make studying more difficult. I no longer have that excuse. Furthermore, with Christmas fast approaching there are ample opportunities to over-eat. So, I am eating more than usual and feeling sick-full. It is tough because I haven’t purged in…actually, I can’t remember the last time I purged! Looking at logs I keep, my record is a few months long. Right now, I’m going to take a nap and hope when I wakeup the feeling is bearable.