Look at me! I’m awake at a reasonable hour! 10 am is reasonable for an employed 25 year old, right? 😉
My goals for today are no naps and no binging. It should be an easy goal, but not for me.
Yesterday I slept until I had an eye doctor appointment at 1 pm. Then I binged. I didn’t purge, but that put me in a bad mood the rest of the day. If I’d purged, I’d feel tired, but pleasant. What a great way to start the new month. Binging without purging made me cranky and my stomach hurt all night. Failing to purge also makes me nervous because part of me feels proud. Pride over not purging is dangerous for me. I got to my (literally) obese high weight by attempting to recover. My half-recovery led to frequent binging and no purging.
I told my mom that I binged and for once, she didn’t interrogate me about it and didn’t pressure me to eat. That was a nice reprieve.
Since I was in a bad mood, I wasn’t as talkative as normal with my friend. She eventually messaged me, which was nice because I almost always start conversations. Consequently, I often feel like I’m bothering her!
It didn’t help that I started my period. That makes me feel fat because if I was “good” I’d be too malnourished to menstruate. However, there was one positive to my period. My mom asked my weigh me Sunday night. Technically, she can’t force me to let her weigh me, but she knows exactly how to guilt me into letting her check my weight. It is easier not to argue. Since I’ve let her do it a few times, refusing now would be suspicious. I was anxious because I’ve been losing weight. I’m 4 lbs less than the last time she weighed me. Thankfully she weighed me at night, after dinner. As a result, I was clothed and had food sitting in my stomach. Clothes + food weight + period = the same weight as last time she weighed me!