I’m trying my hand at online dating again. I haven’t met anyone IRL yet, but I’m nervous because any relationship threatens my eating disorder. I’m reminding myself my eating disorder will ensure I am lonely. I can try to build a life and if it doesn’t work out I can always go back to starving myself better than everyone around me in order to boost my self-esteem.
I’m still learning how to effectively use my voice to get my needs met. I also spend my days trying to teach kids this lesson.
I’m unhappy, but typing doesn’t seem appealing… I don’t like the promotion. Sorry I didn’t post anything this morning. I slept from 4:30 pm to 6:10 am this morning. I don’t know if I’ll post anything tomorrow either. It just depends on whether I get out of this feeling.
Without going into detail, I’m fucking tired of trying not to use behaviors. 😥