I am friends with my main NICU nurse on Facebook. When I got out of the hospital, she babysat me a few times because I still had specific medical needs and I needed a medically competent person to watch me in case something went wrong. Today her random post popped up on my newsfeed and it got me thinking weird existential thoughts about throwing away the work so many put into my life. If I give up, their hours, months, and years of struggle, time, and effort are wasted because of my actions.
My favorite therapist said: “Caring for yourself is investing in everyone who loves you”
Self-imposed isolation is boring. I made a picture…
My mom is leaving for 5 days tomorrow morning. I just weighed myself and I’m UP 5 pounds from Wednesday!! I haven’t talked to Ginny since Friday because I’m trying to be less of a pest and let her enjoy the holiday weekend. I’m not done watching the lectures for class tonight. Additionally, my promotion starts tomorrow, but we’re not moving the kids’ rooms around until Wednesday.
I’m concerned about my self-care while my mom is out of town. I’m not suicidal; that is positive. However, I’m worried about eating. I know I shouldn’t have weighed myself. I also know it isn’t all real weight, some of it is food and water weight. I’m still upset about the increase because some of it is real weight gain. I feel Ginny doesn’t want to talk to me and the longer we go without talking, the more distant I fear we become. Logically, I know we’re both extremely busy this weekend and it has only been 2 days. There are plenty of people I don’t talk to for 2 days and that silence doesn’t make me question our friendship. Predictably I’m anxious about the promotion. Also, I realized 2 out of the 3 kids in my room are kids I won’t restrain often, if at all. Therefore, I don’t need to eat lunch at work. I’m a tightly wound ball of anxiety right now.