I’m posting this poignant slam poem here because I’m trying to avoid posting this on my FB wall to express this to everyone in my life who knows about ED, but thinks it is all over…again.
I look at this two ways:
- Each day is a new day and you can start over with a clean slate.
- No matter what already happened today, you can still start over from this moment forward. After all, a day is 24 hours. You can restart your 24 hour stop watch at any point. I like this thought process because often when I mess up, I give up. For example, if I eat something I wasn’t planning to eat, I say, “screw it!” and binge.
My boss always pushes hands on activities, but the only reason we have the kids in groups is so they can handle a group educational setting after transition. Therefore, maybe it is okay to lecture.
I HATE THIS. I HATE THIS. I HATE THIS.
What I am being asked to do is impossible (teach such variant grade levels in one class (1st grader, 3rd grader, 4th grader, and 5th grader in Group 1 and two 5th graders, an 8th grader, and a 9th grader in Group 2) with some only coming 1 or 2 days a week, while others come to all 4 classes/week), but I still feel like I’m failing everyone.
A few minutes after typing this, I started venting to Ginny anyway because WordPress was acting up and wouldn’t post. Yet, in talking to her, I felt like such a depressing, annoying, burden. So, I lied and said I had to go to dinner and I’d talk to her later. I cried for a minute, then I stopped fighting. I smashed a light-bulb and used its shards to cut. It was on my arm too!! That means my mom will notice. She’ll be so upset. FAIL.
I guess sleeping to cope only works for so long before you blow up with behaviors.