I Will Breathe

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Take your medication without shame

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I’ve seen a few articles pop up on my news-feed about the cons of psychiatric medication and it is making me angry. One talked about how they’re addictive and another discussed decreased empathy in patients taking anti-depressants.

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First of all, depression decreases empathy because you’re enveloped by your own guilt and self-hatred. Therefore, it is possible that the decreased empathy is not a byproduct of anti-depressants, but a symptom of depression. I did not even open the link, much less read the actual journal article. So , it is possible the journal article addressed this confound.

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Regardless, my 2nd point is more important. I, along with many others, would be dead, in a long-term institution, or thanks to deinstitutionalization, homeless,  without psychiatric medication. As much as I talk about suicide, I haven’t attempted since I was 16 years old. Before finding the right combination of medication during inpatient, I attempted multiple times.

Because this idea is SO IMPORTANT, you might need to see this image again: stigma-associated-with-mental-health-quote - Copy

I often struggle with the idea that I *shouldn’t* need psychiatric medication. My thoughts range from “I’m weak and if I can’t handle life without medication, then I don’t deserve life” to “It is just a placebo”. Whenever I stop my medication, my life spirals downward. The times I’ve been closest to hospitalization since eating disorder inpatient, were all times I was messing with my medication.

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Thinking Doesn’t Make It True

I move in 4 days.

I miss my kids at work and I’m afraid. Not only am I uncertain I am capable of independence, but also things keep going wrong with my internship placement. For example, my semester starts in a few weeks, but I just received an email about their summer session starting in June.

 

My last day at work was wonderful. The kids made me a book of memories and advice.

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Everyone in my program (kids and staff), the speech and occupational therapists I’ve worked with, the behavioral staff, and the principals all wrote short notes.

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Claire and Danielle also gave me cards and going away gifts.

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Plus, I got a framed picture of all my kiddos. None of the kids went to the Quiet Room. I heard Mark mention that it was my last day and they should make it a good one multiple times, which was sweet of him.

All this brought home the idea:

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Saying good bye is hitting me more now that it is a weekday and I should be at work. So, I’m taking sentimental pictures of my gifts and wondering how my kids are fairing, instead of packing…. Ha, I should probably get back to that, if I want to leave on time! Part of me, a large part, doesn’t want to leave. However, I know I’ll learn a lot and be a better practitioner in the future. Plus, my replacement was already hired!

Omfg, listening to my parents yell about who was rude when my mom asked my dad to turn off the light when he was ready to go to bed. He is insane… He admitted her tone was friendly, yet says her “actions were mean”. Her asking him to turn off the light?! I hate how he interprets benign, normal interactions as a slight to him! I guess I do that too, in a way…but I don’t respond by making belittlimg remarks and yelling at people who I think dislike me.