Girl Kidnapped from Pro-Ana Website

This makes me sad! I’ve seen people post on pro-ana boards as “Ana Coaches” but I didn’t realize kids had any interest in that type of thing.

I was so, SO lucky. When I was younger than her, I tried to meet men online. In fact, I waited for one, but he never showed because he thought I was a cop. At 18, I did the same thing and narrowly missed meeting a serial killer. By 19, I was aware of the dangers, but my sense of self-preservation was lacking and I met people offline, alone, secretly, for sadomasochistic sex.

Yet, I was never kidnapped.

Poor kid! I hope she gets all the help she needs for her eating disorder, ASD, and working through the aftermath of this horrible trauma. I wish there was a way to help her. I can’t believe this guy got out after less than a year in jail and he had supporters!



Lots of self-injury lately. I guess it is because I can’t restrict with my new little guy. He is too active!

I was angry today. b/c my boss told me to work with another kid while a random paraprofessional and Claire changed what we (Ashley, Claire, Danielle, and I) all discussed! No one talked to me about it.

I’m not sure why I’m mad. The change appears to work. I was never against the change. I wish someone included me in the discussion. It wasn’t the change itself, so much as not being able to implement the change personally. Why did Claire and a random co-worker get to do it? Why was I not good enough to follow directions?

I thought my opinion mattered. I was wrong.



I talked to HR, my last day is in mid April.


Also, my grandma was hospitalized today and we’re leaving tomorrow to visit my brother anyway?!


I’m struggling. At least, at the moment, I can identify why.  I feel I’m failing my other kids academically. In other words, I am not giving them enough help, structure, or rigor.

Self-injured yesterday, trying not to now. I know the answer is problem solving – figuring out a way to allocate my time so that everyone gets what they need. I don’t have that luxury right now b/c I have a test due in 5 hours and 4 hours left of lecture to watch before taking the test. So, I’m just going to complain right now. :p


Alexithymia Annoyance

Annoyance is the feeling, but I’m not actually feeling it. I just liked alliteration.

willow_fake smile


I want to cut right now and I don’t know why. I’m not thinking about anything upsetting. I’m not dissociating. I don’t feel depressed. I can’t identify any negative feelings, other than, “I-want-to-self-injure”. Lame.

I told my boss’ boss on Friday that I was leaving. That made me want to cut. I think I felt sad because I also felt like crying, but maybe it was anxiety. I’m not sure.

dean supernatural facepalm


Can you feel me now? *poll*

If you do not have and have never had an eating disorder, does this give you any emotions?


Mind Games: Can I Forfeit?

Not matter what happens I manage to find a way I am not good enough or a scenario where I’ll mess up.

I get a student from another program: It is because my boss thinks I am too inept to handle an entirely new student.

I don’t get the student from another program: My boss thinks I am too weak and emotionally vulnerable to handle their trauma history.

LotS_Cara's WTF face

Ginny leaves and invites me to the Going Away party: My boss, my boss’s boss, my boss’s boss’s boss, and maybe even her boss will all attend. It is over the lunch hour. There will be expectations of eating and intimidating people. I’m too pathetic to act normal. They will realize I’m a freak.

Ginny leaves and does not invite me: No one likes me. Ginny is glad she never has to see me again.

sam supernatural really really are you serious face

I am working on assuming (if I’m mind reading) or acknowledging the positive.

For example, Ashley thinks I’d be good for the student with a trauma history. When I advocate for myself, she still thinks I’d be good for the student with the trauma history, but believes more strongly that I shouldn’t have to deal with the uncomfortable parallels. This means she cares about me as a human being, not that she thinks I am weak.

Today: No one else pays attention to your food intake. People will be focusing on Ginny, I don’t envy her that! If someone makes an asinine comment, you can redirect them by asking how they’ll deal without her around.

dean supernatural laughs then gets serious


I ended up getting the student from a public school. His first day is later this week. I’m excited!

Random note: Vomiting when sick is vastly different from purging. Ugh. However, I am NOT missing my new student’s first day or Ginny’s last day, which are both this week. 


I put a deposit on an apartment and gave unofficial notice at work!

Felicia Day_happy dance1


Ashley straight out asked if I’d decided what to do about my practicum and I don’t lie well to direct questions, unless it involves hiding ED behaviors… Yet I’m going to miss my kiddos!

Fringe_Olivia Crying