The pharmacy was closed today. So I couldn’t get my new medication or refills. Tomorrow I’ll be unmedicated. Yay. I hope I can hold it together at work tomorrow. None of them have ever seen me without medication. Since I woke up too late to take Adderall, I’ve grazed all day. When I couldn’t buy my meds, I bought $30 worth of binge food. I just ate a pint of ice cream.
Fun fact: Häagen-Dazs brownies are much better than the brownies in Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.
On the bright side, I didn’t buy new sleeping pills, which I considered. I don’t feel too bad at the moment, my self-talk was simply dangerous.
I found a box cutter in my room. I knew I still had one somewhere, but I couldn’t find it the night before I gave them all to Ginny. Crap. As soon as I saw it, I wanted to cut, even though I was fine a moment before. Way to go conditioning.
I accidently opened the wounds from Monday while showering. I thought I was okay because I stopped the blood. I was wrong. It bled through my khaki pants.
Despite all this, I feel okay. I’m extremely anxious about tomorrow. I’d consider calling off, but I missed too much work because of surgery.
Masochist Musings 